First Birthday Photo Shoot

 I don't get much time with my camera these days but I still like it and who could resist this face.

 He still has his moments though

I love you darling son, you bring so much joy into our lives, I thank God for giving you to us!  Happy Birthday!

1 Year Has Past

1 year ago today, I was standing in my son's room, on the phone, tears pouring down my face.  I felt a panic attack coming, not knowing what to do . . . praying and asking God, why?

It was a beautiful spring day, I had spent the morning at a friends house.  I walked to pick up my daughter from preschool when I saw I had a text message from a team member who said their was an accident and one of our staff's son had an accident . . . and it was bad.  For the entire walk to pick up my daughter I prayed for Tim, for healing, prayed for wisdom for the doctors . . . . I prayed hard.  When I returned to my friends house I got a phone call from my husband who said that he had gone to the hospital (he was the communications director and needed to be on site), he said that Tim had been playing at a nearby apartment complex and had fallen through a window into the underground car park.  He said it was bad. 

When I got off the phone my friends I prayed again and then headed home.  Once home I talked to my husband again and that is when he told me, he said "Tim, isn't going to make it."  I burst into tears and started pacing around the house trying to catch my breath.  I couldn't believe it!!  Tim was going to die, my friend was losing her son!  How could this happen.  At this point my Chinese helper looked at me and asked what was wrong.  Through my tears I tried to talk, I tried to explain to her that my friend's son was dying.  It was so hard to say it out loud.  She become very concerned for me and told me I needed to calm down.  At this time I was 9 months pregnant (my due date was 1 week away) and she was nervous I was going to make myself go into labor.  I was pretty hysterical so I tried to calm down.

What do you do when you find out a 10 year old little boy isn't going to make it?  I decided that I had to go to the hospital, I didn't know what I would do there, but at least I would be there.  Plus, my husband needed his phone charger, because he needed his phone to stay  in contact with others.  So I said that I would bring it over, but before I could go over to the hospital, I had to wait for my friend to bring me my phone because I had left it at her house. 

I told my helper what I was planning and she started to yell at me and was very concerned for me.  She thought it was a terrible idea for me to go to the hospital, after all, if I was freaking out this much at home what would I do if I was at the hospital.  She was convinced I was going to put myself into labor.  I thanked her for her advise and said that I was going to go anyway . . . after all my husband needed his phone charger . . . plus it gave me something to do.

The hospital was only 2 short blocks away and the weather was so beautiful . . . too beautiful for this terrible accident to have occurred.   The fresh air was nice though, and it helped me to catch my breath, and once in the hospital I actually felt a little bit better.  I was "doing" something . . . . really just sitting with a bunch of other outside of the ICU . . . but at least we were close.  I remember when Tim's mom came out, she fell into her friends arms and began to cry but I remember even in her tears she had her beautiful smile on her face.  She wiped her tears away and talked to us a little bit.  I remember though every time she or her husband came out you could tell that they were obviously said but they kept calm through it all.  She sat down next to us and shared what was going on but headed back into the ICU after about 15 minutes.  The hospital really doesn't let visitors in the ICU - including parents, but had let Tim's parents in.  She didn't want to lose that privilege so she returned back to Tim's side.

At this point they were working on getting Tim transferred to Hong Kong to see if there would be anything that they could do for him there.  The health care in China is not as advanced as in other places in the world.  Our insurance company and staff worked very hard to get Tim medi-vac'd to Hong Kong as soon as possible.  It was the next day, Saturday, around dinner time that they finally were wheeling Tim out of the ICU and onto a plane to Hong Kong. 

Our staff had made sure that there were people outside the ICU all day and night while Tim was in the QD hospital.  When they wheeled him out, there were a good number of us, they stopped for a second, we prayed over him and then we sang as he wheeled him away.  I remember feeling so frightened and scared.  He was so little, so young.

My husband had been at the hospital for just about 24 hours, only coming home for a few hours of sleep the night before.  He now was going to head up a meeting for our staff.  I had to stay home because small children were not allowed.

During the meeting I remember feeling so torn, my friend - no - we all were losing a sweet little boy, but at the same time I was going to be giving birth to my second son any day.  I was just praying that I wouldn't go into labor.  I didn't have the strength or energy to do it.  How could I mourn the loss of Tim and celebrate the birth of my son?

When my husband finally came home that night I shared my concerns and fears.  It was comforting to talk with him, he understood what I was saying and said that death and birth is part of life.  (It doesn't sound comforting but it was at the time.)

Being the communications manger, my husband was the point man for any news.  So, when Tim arrived in Hong Kong safely we got a phone call.  Now we waited to hear what the hospital would have to say.

Sunday morning was another beautiful sunny day.  My family walked to McDonald's for breakfast and that is when Tim's mom called with the news.  The doctors said that there wasn't really anything they could do for him, he was brain dead.  His parents had decided to try and donate his organs, which meant that they were going to have to take him off of life-support soon.

At our fellowship service the news was shared with the community and spent the entire service singing and praying for a miracle.  We sang this song that really comforted me  "Blessed Be Your Name". (You can read my post from 1 year ago here.)  It says that in the good times we Bless His Name and in the hard times we Bless His Name.  God gives and God takes away.  In the birth of my son God is good, and in the death of Tim, God is good. 

It wasn't till Tuesday that Tim was actually pronounced and his organs were donated.  Tim's liver, kidneys and corneas were given to those who needed them.

Thursday morning I woke up and told my husband I thought that I was going to have a baby that day.  A few hours later my second son came into the world.  God had given me the strength to make it through the delivery and my mother was even able to be there!  (Huge blessing!!)  But when my son was born, he was not breathing, he wasn't moving, he was lifeless.  I thought of Tim and began to cry . . . "I'm going to lose my son too".  But after a very long and scary 10 minutes of suctioning, quiet prayers and tears my son was stabilized.

As I sit here, 1 year later, holding and nursing my 1 year old.  I give him extra kisses and hold him a little bit longer, squeeze him a little tighter as I shed a tear for my friend who no longer can do that to her son.  I grieve her loss and try not to take for granted what God has given me.

Snuggle Time

I hope he bonds to his new little brother

Lessons in Birthday Cakes

I have been trying to write this blog for over a week but was first uninspired, then unmotivated and then I was kicked off line because our VPN was blocked. Here I am, finally writing this all down. I am writing this blog, not really for others to read but for my own future reference. I want to document the things that I have learned from making these birthday cakes so I can remember for future endeavors (if I dare to try again).

This all started 3 years ago when my not yet 3 year old daughter told me she wanted a Rocket cake from Little Einsteins for her birthday cake. At first I just laughed but as I thought it over I thought that I could possible do it. I looked online for cake ideas and found something that I liked, thought of a plan, and then asked my friend (an artist) to help me. I was actually really pleased with how it turned out.

The only problem with this cake was that there was too much! I could have just done the rocket and had plenty of cake (we aren't huge cake fans). I made a 9x13 chocolate cake that was used for the sky (covered in blue frosting). The body of Rocket was made from two round cake (one was actually cooked in a bowl), the recipe I used was given to me by my sister that is suppose to be very good for carving and shaping. The engines were made out of gluten free chocolate cup cakes.

Summary of the things I learned from making the Rocket Cake
1) Freezing the cake makes it a lot easier to carve and frost
2) Doing a crumb coat frosting will help seal in the crumbs so your final frosting coat is nice and smooth
3) When trying to get a a deep red frosting you should mix it up at least a day in advance, when you stir it up the next day it will no longer be pink but a nice brilliant red

The next year we decided for my daughter's 4th birthday to have a Dora the Explorer themed party. This year I wanted to try making fondant and I also wanted to make the cake taste good. Although I think the cake is pretty cute (my favorite were the stars shooting out of the cake) I almost gave up in the middle of the project and was really disappointed with the end result. However, I was happy with how the cakes tasted, the top was red velvet and the bottom was chocolate with chocolate ganche & raspberry filling.

A few things I learned from making this two tier Dora Cake:

1) Marshmallow fondant dries out & cracks very easily
2) When covering a cake with fondant you need to do it quickly or else it will pull, tear and crack

3) It is very important that your cake is carved flat, DON'T try and cover mistakes with extra frosting - too much and the frosting melts and then the fondant falls/droops
4) Less filling (as well as crumb coat frosting) is best; when using a filling you don't want too much or the cake will bulge.

For my daughters 5th birthday she wanted a princess theme so I thought doing a castle could be simple enough. I started searching on line again for ideas and found some ideas that I liked. After the previous year's fondant frustrations, I wasn't looking forward to working with it again. But my friend pointed out how much prettier the cake with fondant looked and I figured I could give it one more try. I hoped to remember the mistakes from the year before and improved on it.

First thing I did was make the marshmallow fondant much more "wet" than the previous year. This made working with it a bit easier, it didn't dry or crack as much. I also rolled out the fondant much thicker than the previous year which also helped with the cracking. Secondly, I decided to go back to the dense vanilla & chocolate cakes since I wanted to build with it. I knew they wouldn't taste as good but hopefully they wouldn't fall, bulge or slide.

For the bottom cake (purple tier) I used a dense chocolate cake (actually tasted pretty good) baked in two 9x9 pans and layered them. The second pink tier and the purple towers I made a 9x13 dense vanilla cake. After freezing all the cakes I assembled them together using a thin layer of crumb coat frosting. The top tier I carved to a nice square shape and the towers were cut using circle cake cutters with wooden skewers placed in the middle to hold them together. The bottom pink towers are made of chocolate gluten free cake, also cut with cake cutters and held together with wooden skewers.

I have to admit that going into the project I had a bit of a bad attitude, I was nervous and thought it was going to be a disaster. But once into it I started to have fun! I was really pleased with the final outcome thinking it was super cute. It was really pretty simple to make and everything went pretty smoothly. I did struggle frosting the towers, the carved cake kept falling apart. But once I let them freeze it was much easier to frost.

Here are a couple things that did go "wrong" with the Castle cake (but I'm not exactly sure how to improve for next time).
1) Most of the towers were fine but a couple of them the fondant began to slide off (possibly too much crumb coat frosting? possibly the fondant was too thick and heavy pulling it down?)
2) After sitting out all night the fondant's color faded; I guess it needs to be covered but how do you cover a huge carved cake?
3) Need to make sure the cakes are carved evenly and flat (I know I "learned" this the year before - I did a much better job but still had some mistakes

So after making 3 "fancy" cakes I think that I have learned a lot but the big question is "Was it worth it?" I was a little disappointed with my daughters reaction when she saw the finished caked (but she is a bit like her mama and doesn't show too much emotion). But we all have great memories, I had fun creating a master piece, and hanging out with my friend as we made eatable art.

Celebrating the New Year

Since China goes by the Lunar calendar the New Year is not on the same day as we celebrate it (nor is it likely to be on the same day ever). This year we are bringing in the Year of the Rabbit on February 3. The New Year or 春节 (ChunJie), literally translated "Spring Festival" is similar to America's Christmas. It is probably the most celebrated holiday by everyone in China and is probably the most important holiday to spend with your family. People usually return to their hometown to be with their families. Presents aren't exchanged as we do at Christmas time but instead the older members of the family give red envelopes filled with money to the young children.

On New Year's eve everyone gets together and 包饺子 (baojiaozi - wrap dumplings). Jiaozi, or dumplings are made with ground beef or pork and some chopped vegetables then wrapped with a small flour wrap. Usually there are a few coins put in several of them (whoever gets those will have fortune in the new year, and they are usually required to sing a song for fun during the meal).

The Chinese are very famous for their amazing paper cuts . . . my daughter is trying her hand at it. She LOVES arts & crafts and did several paper cuts. This year is the year of the Rabbit, so she cut out a couple of Rabbits (unfortunately I don't have any pictures of the finished products).

During the New Year you will also see signs hung with the character 福 (Fu) on it which means blessing.

Here my friend and my husband & daughter are practicing their calligraphy. One of my daughter's favorite things to do is paint, she practiced her characters for over an hour! I think she is actually pretty good, maybe even better than her daddy. ;-)

When celebrating the New Year you can't forget the fireworks! There are so many fireworks set off on New Years Eve that the car alarms join in with the noise. It really sounds like you are in the middle of a war, especially when you live in an apartment complex where the sound bounces between the buildings.
Every year I learn something new about celebrating this holiday. This year my husband was reading a book to my daughter and we learned that on New Year's eve you don't go to sleep for fear of having a bad dream. If you have a bad dream it is a sign of bad things to come, so to avoid the bad omen people will just avoid sleeping all together, at least until the sun comes up the next day. Probably another reason why they shoot fireworks off all night, so you CAN'T sleep. (But I have to say my children who have grown up here and being here 7 years myself I have learned to sleep through all the noise.)

Big Blue Eyed Boy

The other day I was commenting on how pretty my son's eyes are and how long & lush his eye lashes are. Women work so hard to get their eye lashes to look like his, and his are all natural.

I love those eyes, those big blue eyes. I can get lost in them. You can see so much in little children's eyes, watch them learn, look at you with love, or say "what?! I'm not doing anything wrong", or "can't you just hold me for 5 more minutes"

Bed Time Routine

Before we put the kids to bed we have a routine we follow . . . . brush your teeth, use the toilet, read a book, sing a song, say a prayer. Sometimes we like to throw in watching a YouTube clip. We have our favorites we usually watch: Chicka Chicka Boom Boom, John Williams is the Man, a new favorite is Dancin on the Train (two Americans living in China wrote this song). But my son's favorite is Charlie Bite My Finger. I don't know why but usually as soon as we turn that one on he starts giggling. I'm not sure if he just thinks the baby is funny or he enjoys watching others inflict pain . . . should I be worried?

Saturday Mornings

Photography Frustrations

I have loved pictures for as long as I remember. When I was a child I loved looking at old family photos. In high school I liked taking pictures and would organize them in boxes. When we moved to China a family member told me before we left to make sure we took lots of pictures so they could "see" our life. I don't think that I have let them down.

Now that I have a DSLR (which I have been dreaming about for 4 years now) I have had fun trying to take "better" looking photos. I haven't ever worked with an DSLR before so I am trying to learn all the elements of how to take a good picture. I really learn best with a teacher who gives me hands on explanation (which I don't have). The latest frustration I had was my photo shoot at the park yesterday. The sun was shining, the weather was perfect (not too hot, not too cold), the flowers were blooming, so off we went to take some photos.

The good thing about having a digital camera is that you can look at your pictures right away allowing you to try different settings to get what you are looking for. The problem I faced yesterday is that I was outside in the sun so I couldn't see the preview picture very well. The sun reflecting off the LCD screen makes it really difficult to see the picture's true colors.

Last time I took pictures outside there was too much light coming in, so I put on a filter. Now, there is still a little too much light and the color is maybe a little too vibrant. It looks like it is fake. I don't know what to do. Anyone have any suggestions?

Hang'n In There

Cranky Day

Yesterday my son was so cranky all day. He wouldn't go to sleep, then, when he did finally go to sleep he only slept for 45 minutes. He was very fussy, crying a lot. This is not typical of him, he is usally such a happy baby. Even my ayi mentioned it and kept asking me why he was crying because he never cries. Well, that night when I was getting him ready for bed I found out why. His second tooth broke through! Yay! My Second Tooth! (notice his onesie)

There were 4 in the bed and the little one said . . .

I walked into my son's room and my daughter said: "Shhhh Mommy! The babies are sleeping!" She had brought in her pillow from her bed, placed all the babies in the bed, put toys in there for them to play with and then covered them with the blanket. She had even closed the curtain. She is a very good mama!

Happy Hats

My husband gave the kids a bath the other night. I walked in and saw that my daughter had thought her little brother needed a hat.

A New Project

Someone I know has made a blog of all the funny things their daughter says. I thought that was a great idea so I made one for my daughter. I also hope to document things that we do together as mommy & daughter. check it out here!

"Do I look pretty?"

My sweet not yet 3 year old daughter LOVES make-up! My mother gave her some make-up last year that is close to the consistency of clown make-up. I really didn't like it all that much because it has this awful smell (which when you are pregnant, which I was at the time, makes you want to run and pray to the porcelain god). Not only that but the pink stains your skin for days!

After a couple of uses I "lost" the make-up. Out of sight out of mind for my daughter. We recently were doing spring cleaning and she found it! Yay! (for her at least) Since I am no longer pregnant I could stand the smell of it and let her play with it. Of course she had a blast with it. She ran up to me the other day with this face and said:

"Hey Mom, do I look pretty?"

"Yes dear, you look gorgeous!"

"Do you want me to put some on you?!"

Off to the Track

The other day we took all 8 grandchildren in the area to a play place near my mother's place. All the kids had a great time even the babies. The place actually had quite a few things that were appropriate for my son's age and "skill" level. My sister found this really cute NASCAR excer-saucer. It was so cute but when I put him into it I knew there would be a problem. The seat was set too low so when I placed him in it he could barely see over the edge. I readjusted the seat and it worked much better for him. He was all ready to get out on the race track. (notice his cousin in the background cheering him on)

Smartie Pants

We have decided to try cloth diapers with Lucas. While in the States we picked up a few all-in-one and pocket diapers. When they arrived in the mail Anna found them and thought they made great hats.

The Stare Down

Bathtime Buddies

Today I gave both my children a bath and to save time I did it at the same time. Of course I had my new camera right by my side (since it hasn't really left my side since I got it, you might even find me sleeping with it). I snapped this photo and thought is was really cute, I love my daughter's super sized eyes.

A Year of Ups & Downs

2009 started off with a special trip to Beijing to confirm that my second pregnancy was fine after having a slight scare. The rest of the year followed suit with lots of simultaneous good and hard times.

We started off the summer with 6 weeks of full-time Chinese study while my 3 year old daughter began Chinese preschool. At the end of the summer, we then headed to Beijing and welcomed our little boy into the world 2 weeks early. I was elated to meet him, but sad that my sister, who had been planning to be there, missed it.

Shortly after our son was born he lost over 15% of his birth weight, becoming scary skinny and dehydrated. I had to concentrate on his gaining weight, but was extremely blessed by the support of my husband, sister and good friends. I am happy to say we now have a happy, plump baby.

My father, after suffering for 2 years from MS, left this world and his decrepit body and was made whole in Heaven. (His mother also went to be with the Lord just a few weeks before he did.) My entire family was able to get together, mourn over our loss, celebrate my father's inspiring life and rejoice in the fact that he is now worshiping at Jesus' feet. I was glad in the fact that my husband was able to travel to America with me and that my family got to hold my precious new born (only 5 weeks old at the time).

We have ended the year spending Christmas and New Year's with my husband's family for the first time since we have been married. It has been a big blessing to make these memories together as a family.

Even during the hard times I was able to rest in the Savior and find peace. Looking back I can even see how God has worked everything out and how His timing was, and will continue to be, perfect! Thanks for giving us a great year full of blessings.


Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth,
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided.
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!