It's that time of year again . . . . birthday cake making. I'm sad to be making this without my best friend, but life moves on . . . even if I don't want it too. I did consider not making anything super fancy this year because my friend won't be with me (I may come up with all the ideas but she is one that makes it all happen). But thinking through it I figured that I need to make a cake, not necessarily for my daughter (does she really care? she's happy with just about anything). No, making this cake is more of therapy for myself. I do have fun baking and creating, this is the time that I have an excuse to make art. I'm a terrible drawer! but I do like creating things and baking and this puts them together!
So lets talk cake. My daughter has been taking ice skating lessons this year so we are doing an ice skate theme cake. It's not going to be super crazy, I want to keep it simple . . . . simple and easy . . . except for making the ice skate I'm hoping it shouldn't be too hard (but things always go wrong and the "easy" things always seem hard). As far as the cake flavor I'm making a peanut butter cup cake (chocolate cake with peanut butter filling). A new friend is coming over tomorrow and we shall make a cake . . . . it will be great (hopefully my kids will let us work).
Showing posts with label repatriate. Show all posts
Showing posts with label repatriate. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Slippery Slope
Well, today marks 5 months since we repatriated but lately I feel like it's only been weeks. I'm not really sure why . . . I knew it would take a while to feel acclimate back but I feel like I'm moving backwards. I was beginning to feel more comfortable here, accepting my new life, getting into the swing of things, feeling the grove . . . but I'm feeling like a fish out of water again. Shouldn't it just get easier and easier? I feel like it's getting harder and harder! I find that I miss my friends even more, I still don't find life in America that easy . . . I mean, really, how many different kinds of chips do I really need to have to pick from! I miss life in China so much that I dream about it almost every night. The dreams are so vivid and real that I wake up from them, thinking about them and that puts me in gear to think about China for the rest of the day. I'm getting down because I feel like I should be past this, but I'm not so something must be wrong with me. Look at my husband . . . he doesn't seem to be struggling!
As I sit and write and look over my words I remember the post-field seminar we went to and remember the little graph they made about acclimating back to your home country. There was this little line that moved up and down and up and down and then back up and down again showing how there is slow movement toward "fitting in" with a little bit of "falling out". I'm on that down again slope . . . and that's okay. It's just as I'm on this downward slope I feel like I might not make it to the back up again part. I just hope that I can find the strength and energy to climb that line back up again.
As I sit and write and look over my words I remember the post-field seminar we went to and remember the little graph they made about acclimating back to your home country. There was this little line that moved up and down and up and down and then back up and down again showing how there is slow movement toward "fitting in" with a little bit of "falling out". I'm on that down again slope . . . and that's okay. It's just as I'm on this downward slope I feel like I might not make it to the back up again part. I just hope that I can find the strength and energy to climb that line back up again.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
It Only Takes A Moment
As time goes on and we get more into a routine here I think less about missing China. My time is being filled with new things to do like DRIVE to the grocery store, DRIVE to go pick up my daughter from school, do a gazillion loads of laundry, clean house, potty train a 2 year old, the list is never ending. But as these things come more and more natural I find myself not thinking about the way I used to do things.
As days go by however, there will be something that triggers something inside of me and I am immediately hit with sadness and grief and a ache for China (and all that we left behind). Oh man how it hurts!! I think it hurts even more than when I would miss China almost every minute of everyday. It's almost like you take all that longing and sadness that I would feel over days and compact it into one instant. When it happens I'm not sure what to do with myself. I'm not a very emotional person, I tend to have a very steady and even personality but when I get hit head on with the bus of emotion feel like I am going to collapse and tears come rushing to my eyes. I wonder if I feel like this because as I adjust and get more comfortable here I'm scared that I'm going to forget China (and all that I love there)?
As days go by however, there will be something that triggers something inside of me and I am immediately hit with sadness and grief and a ache for China (and all that we left behind). Oh man how it hurts!! I think it hurts even more than when I would miss China almost every minute of everyday. It's almost like you take all that longing and sadness that I would feel over days and compact it into one instant. When it happens I'm not sure what to do with myself. I'm not a very emotional person, I tend to have a very steady and even personality but when I get hit head on with the bus of emotion feel like I am going to collapse and tears come rushing to my eyes. I wonder if I feel like this because as I adjust and get more comfortable here I'm scared that I'm going to forget China (and all that I love there)?
