Slippery Slope

Well, today marks 5 months since we repatriated but lately I feel like it's only been weeks.  I'm not really sure why . . . I knew it would take a while to feel acclimate back but I feel like I'm moving backwards.  I was beginning to feel more comfortable here, accepting my new life, getting into the swing of things, feeling the grove . . . but I'm feeling like a fish out of water again.  Shouldn't it just get easier and easier?  I feel like it's getting harder and harder!  I find that I miss my friends even more, I still don't find life in America that easy . . . I mean, really, how many different kinds of chips do I really need to have to pick from! I miss life in China so much that I dream about it almost every night.  The dreams are so vivid and real that I wake up from them, thinking about them and that puts me in gear to think about China for the rest of the day.  I'm getting down because I feel like I should be past this, but I'm not so something must be wrong with me.  Look at my husband . . . he doesn't seem to be struggling!
As I sit and write and look over my words I remember the post-field seminar we went to and remember the little graph they made about acclimating back to your home country.  There was this little line that moved up and down and up and down and then back up and down again showing how there is slow movement toward "fitting in" with a little bit of "falling out".  I'm on that down again slope . . . and that's okay.  It's just as I'm on this downward slope I feel like I might not make it to the back up again part.  I just hope that I can find the strength and energy to climb that line back up again.

My First . . .

 

(check out that hot car model!)

At 30 I bought my first car . . .

 

and at 30 I crashed my first car.

 
To find out what happened read here. 

SNOW . . . in October?!?!

I'm a little pessimistic when it comes to the weather predicting snow.  I feel like whenever I'm around the snow isn't.  So when the weatherman said that we should expect somewhere between 6 to 16 inches of snow in October I didn't even blink.  When the flurries started falling I was kind of surprised but was even more surprised as it began to accumulate.  As time went by and the snow was already a couple inches deep I was getting concerned because my husband and two kids had not returned from their Saturday outing.  My husband got a hold of me and said that the roads were pretty bad and wasn't able to make it.  After taking a lunch break the roads were a little more drivable and they finally made it to our street.  Once there I had to walk down, carrying shovels, and with the help of a neighbor we shoveled tracks up our street and into our driveway.  It took about 1 and 1/2 hours to get up our street and up our very steep driveway!!  Once we got into the house, dried off and just about ready for dinner we lost power.

The next day my husband & I got quite a workout shoveling the 16 inches of snow in the driveway and off the cars.  Once we recovered we took the kids out to play, it was beautiful!! The sun was out and pretty warm but the snow was perfect for playing and building.  It was a little to deep, cold & wet for my 2 year old to enjoy.  He was much happier inside watching from the window. 

 As a family we enjoyed this freaky snow fall, even having to shovel, especially playing out in the snow with the kids but we were even appreciating the lack of power.  My husband's work is dependent on computers & the internet so he was able to not think about it and just spend time with us and play games.  The only bad thing about not having power was by the end of it the house was very cold and getting uncomfortably cold. 

It was a very strange, surprising, cold but fun filled weekend.  

(BTW all of the snow melted by the end of the week.)

Giving Thanks

Being that it's November, a month we like to take time to focus on giving thanks, I am working on giving thanks. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 "Be joyful always; pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

Waking up in the morning no one says, "I think I would like to get into a car accident today." I certainly didn't.  I was so upset, humiliated, feeling dumb, feeling sorry, wishing I could go back and get a redo, thinking about how much it's going to cost me.  But taking a deep breath, remembering the verse, "In everything give thanks" and getting some perspective I was able to think about all the things I can and should be thankful for.

• No one was hurt
• The 3 children that were in the car were all calm and very patient (aka no one was crying raising the stress level)
• My nephew's wife was with me, it helped to have an adult with me to keep me calm and keep my head straight
• My brother-in-law answered my phone call and gave me excellent advise
• Even though I was the one who did the rear ending, I wasn't given a ticket meaning the police thought I wasn't being a reckless driver
• God protected us, the accident could have been much MUCH worse
• The police report went as quickly and smoothly as it could go
• Nothing was too complicated (referring to the fact that I was driving my mother's car, have a Tennessee license, and having insurance coverage on a different car)
• Love and supports of my family and friends through the situation

This whole accident could have been much worse than it was and for that I am very thankful!

It Only Takes A Moment

As time goes on and we get more into a routine here I think less about missing China.  My time is being filled with new things to do like DRIVE to the grocery store, DRIVE to go pick up my daughter from school, do a gazillion loads of laundry, clean house, potty train a 2 year old, the list is never ending.  But as these things come more and more natural I find myself not thinking about the way I used to do things.

As days go by however, there will be something that triggers something inside of me and I am immediately hit with sadness and grief and a ache for China (and all that we left behind).  Oh man how it hurts!!  I think it hurts even more than when I would miss China almost every minute of everyday.  It's almost like you take all that longing and sadness that I would feel over days and compact it into one instant.  When it happens I'm not sure what to do with myself.  I'm not a very emotional person, I tend to have a very steady and even personality but when I get hit head on with the bus of emotion feel like I am going to collapse and tears come rushing to my eyes.  I wonder if I feel like this because as I adjust and get more comfortable here I'm scared that I'm going to forget China (and all that I love there)?

Feeling on Top of the World

I had an awesome day.  I woke up and was able to do devotions with my husband before he went to work.  Then I was able to get a work out in and read up on some good friends who are on the mission field before my boys got up.  After eating breakfast I put the boys in front of a little TV so I could clean the bathrooms and bedrooms upstairs.  (The boys TV was over before I was done but they were good "helpers".) Once lunch was over, boys were down for naps and my daughter and I rested for about 30 minutes we were back to cleaning.  We were able to finish our downstairs cleaning and made dinner.  I would also like to note that my 2 year old made it to the toilet for all his peeing needs!  We ended the day with our small group meeting.  It was a great day, I felt on top of the world!  I haven't been able to get all that done in . . . . let's just say a very long time.  But as I put myself to bed I reminded myself that there will be days like this and then there will be days when nothing gets done, I don't have any energy, I'm not able to get dinner done on time, my son doesn't make it to the toilet and nothing seems to go my way.  But by the grace of God I will be able to make it through that day too.

Following God's Voice

Many are wondering why we left China.  It has been the first question that most people ask.  I have a feeling that because we love China and were very sad to leave that people think that something happened that caused us to leave.

I just want to clear things up, we were not asked to leave, nothing happened that caused us to get hurt and want to leave, we really just felt because God was leading us back to America.  We do love China and we will always have a special place in our heart for China. We loved the experience, the culture, the people and the friends and relationships we built there.  We have so many great memories there.  (All three kids were born in China!) So it's easy to understand why someone might be asking . . . "Why did you leave?"

I believe it was a year ago that my husband was really feeling unsettled in his job and began to seek God for guidance.  My Husband knew he wasn't going to sign another contract at his job, but we really wanted to stay in China.  So we began to pray that God would bring something to us.  There were several things that did come up, but as we looked into them and sought God's guidance, we didn't feel that those were the things that God had in mind for us.  Time was running out, our job was coming to an end and God still hadn't made anything clear yet.  So we planned to pack up and head back to America.  When we made this decision it was made evident to us that that was what we were suppose to be doing.  Oh, how God provided for us!

We moved to China about 6 months after we were married and have been there ever since.  Spending all that time away, our families really haven't had a chance to get to know the respective spouse and us as a couple.  We also had three kids who don't really know their grandparents and cousins.  We want to spend time with our family and our family to be able to spend time with our children.  We also want our kids to get to know America!

We had been in China for almost 8 years!  It was a great time of learning and growing, but it was about time for a break.  Life can be hard in China, if you want to cook Western food, you have to make things from scratch (sometimes even making the ingredients from scratch, --- one time I had to make corn syrup).  All the attention we and our kids get because we have white skin and light colored hair can be very overwhelming.  Because of the language and culture, anything we do ends up taking a lot more time than you think.  We enjoyed the challenge of learning and using another language, but that can also be tiring, It's hard work!!  And no matter how well you know a culture there is always something that happens that just makes you go "huh?!".  After 8 years we have learned to expect the unexpected, because it will happen!  So I say all that to say, we need a break from it all and come back to America and rest.

So as we began to make plans to head back to America we were given a financial gift which was such a huge blessing!! We were able to bring stuff back from America and then have some money to live while we looked for a job and also buy a car.  Also, once we got settled into my mother's place, my husband began to look for a job.  He did not look for very long and it was only 2 weeks when he was offered a job that he really wanted!  It's amazing that during this time when people are losing jobs, or jobs are very few that we find a job in just 2 weeks!!  It is the perfect job for him and he is loving it!!  We really feel that God has had his hand on us through this whole thing and as things work out, we really feel that we are exactly where God wants us to be.  God is taking care of us!! and we are so blessed and thankful.

We don't know how long we'll stay in America. We hope to rest and spend quality time with family.  We would love to go back overseas, but as of right now we don't have any plans set for that.  We will continue to seek God and listen for his voice to lead us.